My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
