Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
