Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
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Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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