Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
