kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
