Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
