I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
