Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
