I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
soo... how was my night?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
