I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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