Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
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I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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