they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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