i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
