By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
