He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My cat gives me a boner
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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