I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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