she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
