Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
