Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
