I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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