fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
