i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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