pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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