Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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