OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
People in love make me want to vomit
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
