I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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