Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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