i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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