I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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