It's Friday. Sex?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
