She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
