Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
