Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
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we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
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You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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