I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
