I cannot find my penis.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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