please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
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Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
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Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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