Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
