I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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