??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
