Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
