the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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