Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
