is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Alive.
So much puke
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
