My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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