Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
