Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
