so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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