We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
