I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize