Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
