You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I cut my penus on the lid.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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