No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
