he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
