paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
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