i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
