After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
