Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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