We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
