Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
