What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Tornado booty call.. dedication
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Randomize
