just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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