I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting married
To pizza
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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