it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
