he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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