cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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