after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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