I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
