Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
